In late May, Luke Romano of the kick-ass radical band Ramshackle Glory ordered two CDs online and had them sent to me. He did this while gearing up to record a new album and head out on tour, so he was working some shit jobs washing dishes and bussing tables– and he took the time and money to get me two CDs.
When they arrived here in Shitville, the mailroom monkeys sent me a Notice of Withholding. I didn’t receive the CDs that Luke bussed tables to send me.
Normally, music is gigged due to content. Some prisons, even a passing reference to drug use is enough to get music banned. I’ve seen where mailroom Nazis have banned music that plays regularly on the radio. Most recently, since 2012, they often target music for exclusion that JPay offers on their MP3, forcing prisoners to get JPay rich if we want to listen to music.
But, with these two CDs from Luke, it wasn’t the content, but where the CDs were purchased. The mailroom monkeys said the CDs did not come from “an approved vendor.”
Now, a quick civics lesson for context: The Ohio Constitution empowers the Ohio General Assembly to pass laws. Included in those laws are statutes called THE OHIO ADMINISTRATIVE CODE (OAC). This OAC governs how Ohio’s agencies operate. OAC section 5120-9-19 governs compact discs and printed materials.
Know what that section says about “approved vendors”? It doesn’t say dick. There IS no “approved vendor” requirement. The Shitville mailroom just made it up.
So, in a kite exchange with these shitheads, I tried to explain that there is no LEGAL provision for withholding and imposing an “approved vendor” requirement. They can’t just create their own standards.
They responded that they only accept CDs from 5 distributors of their choosing.
I asked them BY WHAT AUTHORITY they are fabricating a list of approved and unapproved vendors when the statute they must follow says nothing about giving them that latitude.
Their response was that they do not allow CDs from Amazon. And that response really doesn’t answer my question. Not only that, but only one of the two CDs came from Amazon anyway.
So, to avoid the destruction of the CDs, I opted to send the CDs out at my own expense– one of the options I can check on the form. I signed the cash slip to pay for postage. I included a letter. And I filled out the address on the envelope– Central Office Screening Committee.
See, the Screening Committee oversees printed materials and compact discs. The Chief Inspector, Roger Wilson, runs the committee.
What I was essentially doing, I was blowing the whistle on the Shitville mailroom. I was letting central office know that the procedure being followed was totally bogus. That was early June.
So, late June, early July, the mailroom returns the paperwork and cash slip to me. My outgoing mail, sitting in the mailroom for weeks, still had not gone out. So, I sent the paperwork to them again.
Essentially, the situation is this: Aaron Satterfield, the Shitville mail clerk, is simply holding my mail hostage. I properly designated the CDs for mailing out, I signed a cash slip to pay for postage, and I addressed an envelope for the CDs to be mailed in. So, what’s the fuckin’ problem? Apparently, this Satterfield shithead believes HE can decide where my property is allowed to go or not go, and what postage I can or cannot buy with my own funds.
Not only does he assume authority to amend the statutes regarding the source of my music, but he also assumes the authority to decide who I may or may not send mail to. Apparently, they have to change their forms to reflect the option, “mail out to anyone that Aaron Satterfield wants you to send mail to…”
Satterfield can be reached at (740) 259-5544. Ask what his demands are for releasing the outgoing mail of mine that he’s illegally holding hostage…
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NOTICE TO ANYONE SENDING COMPACT DISCS TO SEAN SWAIN
Mailroom fascists reserve the right to create their own laws regarding the allowable sources for the music you purchase. Without the authority of the Ohio legislature, the mailroom fascists have declared that you have a duty to get one or more of the following five distributors rich. You are ONLY permitted to buy music from the following, even though those who write the rules for the mailroom monkeys know absolutely NOTHING about such restrictions:
1. WalMart
2. Music by Mail
3. Best Buy
4. Access
5. Union Supply
So, when sending CDs, they should appear to come from those sources, with a return address from those companies, and should have an invoice from one of the above. This is necessary until Representative Sandra Williams is informed that mailroom monkeys have assumed the powers reserved for the legislature and puts these geniuses in their place.