Warning Labels and Swivilization

Originally aired on The Final Straw

I think the warning labels we see on consumer products today are a perfect analogy for what’s wrong with the swivelization program. Warning labels represent the kind of faulty thinking at the very foundation of swivelization.

Consider: To be swivelized as opposed to being “savage” boils down to food acquisition. That’s what distinguishes one from the other. Swivelized people mass produce food through farming, while savages hunt and gather. Where swivelized, mass producing farmers encounter savage hunter gatherers, the swivelized thing to do is to exterminate the savages and steal their land to grow crops.

That’s led to a global population of 7 billion swivelized people. 7 billion mouths to feed, provoking the slash and burn of enough acreage to grow food to stuff in 7 billion mouths. And that means pushing lots of other species out of existence.

But that also leads to 7 billion bowel bags pooping up the planet. What comes in, goes out. So we’ve engineered a complex, centralized management system to get toilet paper and batteries, burgers and tampons where they need to go. In the process we’ve toxified our air, our land, and our water. Those are the prices we pay for maintaining 7 billion of us… at the expense of other species… and at the expense of the landbase that sustains us.

But, that’s the swivelization program: ensure survival for the maximum number of humans at any cost. And that faulty thinking is the rationale for the warning labels on everything.

Swivelization didn’t just domesticate our food; it domesticated us. We are to the wild savage what the slope-shouldered dull-eyed cow is to the wild, majestic bison. And warning labels protect our slope-shouldered and dull-eyed specimens from their own idiot impulses.

We have warning labels on coffee because it’s hot. We have warning labels with stick figure diagrams on hair dryers so you won’t use them in the shower. Where I grew up in Michigan, after a drunken kid dove into a fountain with 2 feet of water and broke his neck, they erected a 10 foot chain link fence around the fountain with NO DIVING signs.

I swear I’m not making that up.

Warning labels preserve the lives of fountain divers and hot coffee guzzlers who, if left to their own devices, would quickly take themselves out… in imaginative and amusing fashion. Warning labels, like the larger swivelization program itself, exempts idiots from natural selection.

As a consequence we now have a proliferation of fountain divers and shower zappers, kept in commission through unnatural interferences, so that every cross eyed reject to come off the assembly line of this swivelization idiot factory reaches puberty and then splashes around in the shallow end of the gene pool, spawning a generation even more devolved. Soon, we may have to put DO NOT LICK signs over our electrical sockets. NASA will have to figure out how to stencil DO NOT STARE on the surface of the sun.
We pursue this trajectory to our own peril. Imagine, if we had never swivelized but had hunted and foraged for the last 6,000 years instead, we’d have a population of roughly 200 million. Subject to natural selection, this limited population would permit a variety of life to thrive. Doing the math, swivelization’s idiot factory has produced roughly 6.8 billion socket lickers and sun gazers who otherwise wouldn’t have shown up, turning the planet into a toxic cesspool of plastic bottles and disposable diapers.

These socket lickers are so ubiquitous, it’s now inevitable that sooner or later they’ll swerve into our lanes of traffic and wipe us out. Congratulations. The guy who didn’t electrocute himself with his hairdryer just wiped out a family of six.

I say, shut down the idiot factory right now and let the chips fall where they may, even if I’m one of the 6.8 billion sun gazers who will soon be converted to mulch. To those who think my position is heartless and cruel, consider the ultimatum our current reality dictates to us: We can save the planet and kill swivelization, which would save roughly 200 million of us to carry our species into the next Neolithic, OR we can save swivelization and kill the planet, which results in the death of everything. We all sputter out together– taking everything with us down the proverbial toilet of omnicidal oblivion.

Unfortunately, socket lickers of the delusional hierarch variety make up the vast majority, and if we continue to defer to them, we’ll all go down together. Our only hope is to tear down the idiot factory, to topple swivelization in its entirety… without seeking mass approval.

Death to swivelization.

This is anarchist prisoner Sean Swain from Ohio’s supermax facility. If you’re listening, you ARE the resistance…

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