We have received the executive orders Sean Swain mentioned in his inaugural address as governor-in-exile of Ohio. They will go into effect thirty days after being signed, which means, if you recognize the authority of Sean Swain as governor, the State of Ohio will effectively cease to exist on Feb 11th. This day may or may not be celebrated with a bonfire at or… of the state capital building.
Here’s a piece of Sean’s speech summarizing the orders:
“Consistent with my campaign promises, I immediately signed 7 executive orders, which I will describe briefly. These orders will be scanned and available at seanswain.org. My cabinet will be providing copies of these orders to Ohio lawmakers and Supreme court judges so they can recognize ME as the REAL governor and abide by my legally-binding executive orders.
Isn’t this great fun?
So, as to the orders I signed, all of them are perfectly legal and become effective after 30 days, on February 11th. I ordered the Ohio prison system emptied and turned into squats. I made every day of the calendar year a state holiday, so no one will ever go to work. I de-commissioned the national guard and ordered all their weapons turned over to the Native American tribes who legally own Ohio according to the Treaty of Greeneville. I ordered the State of Ohio dissolved and the Statehouse burned to the ground.
On February 11th, anyone claiming to exercise authority as a state official may be “shot, stabbed, hanged, impaled, beheaded, dismembered, drowned, shot from a cannon, lit on fire, run down with a motor vehicle of any variety, ground to pieces in a wood chipper or similar device, bludgeoned, dropped from extreme heights, and/or subdued upon train tracks to be hit by a train.” I specified that anyone claiming authority after February 11th may be killed AND eaten.”
And the Orders themselves:
Order 1: Turning Prisons into Squats.
Order 2: Every day is a state holiday.
Order 3: Ohio National Guard De-Commissioned.
Order 4: Giving Ohio to “Indian Tribes” according to the Treaty of Greenville
Order 5: Penalties for claiming to exercise state authority
Order 6: Dissolving the state and resigning.
Order 7: Burning the Statehouse to the ground.