By The Sean Swain Corporation®***

The U.S. Supreme Court recently ruled that so-called “super PACs” or “political action committees” can spend unlimited money on television ads promoting political candidates, acting as a kind of out-sourced hatchet-man for the candidates themselves. As a consequence, while mere humans are limited by campaign contribution limits and the size of their wallets, corporations can infuse unlimited amounts of money into the political process. The Supreme Court’s rationale is that corporations have a right to free speech.

Funny, but that’s the same court that ruled that Black people didn’t even have the right to get their votes counted in 2000.

Corporations have far more rights than people. Corporations don’t need passports to cross borders. They don’t have to pay taxes. They can conceal information that leads to the preventable deaths of mere humans– just like the Ford Pinto scandal and the concealment of the link between tobacco and lung cancer. They can’t be arrested. Now, they have the right to free speech while mere humans across this country are blasted with rubber bullets and tear gas canisters, bludgeoned by billy-clubs, and herded into “free speech zones” called jails, all for speaking truth to power.

Being a mere human isn’t what it used to be.

When I got locked up, I was unionizing mere humans who worked for a corporation. As a mere human, I was told I did not have the right to defend my own life. I was denied the same benefit of the law enjoyed by the incorporated entity known as “The State of Ohio.” As a mere human, the State could destroy my property, assault me, torture me, punitively transfer me, and engage in repression that violates the government’s own laws in order to prevent my access to courts. When as a mere human I proceeded to court, federal Judge Jack Zouhary said I have no rights because I “promote anarchy and rebellion against authority.” No kidding. If you are a mere human and the government doesn’t like your views, you have no right to express them.

State courts are no better. I can’t get Judge Buron Duhart to issue a ruling to make a sociopath named Tracey Thomas, who claimed to be a paralegal, give me back my case file, my own property. As a mere human, you aren’t entitled to property. Government agents can lie to stick it to you.

Once my free speech rights were stripped, I couldn’t risk having my name associated with any printed article, so I had to attach this footnote to everything I wrote:

“The U.S. Courts stripped Sean Swain of all constitutional protections on the stated basis that Swain ‘promotes anarchy.’ Sean Paul Swain v. William Fellenkamp, et. al., Case No. 3:09-CV-02659. As a consequence, Swain is without free speech rights and cannot have his name associated with his published work for fear of reprisals from the fascist police state. So if he wrote this, and no one is saying he did, his name cannot appear in the by-line.
“In a free country, this footnote would not be necessary.”

As a writer, I lived in constant fear that by telling the truth, I would be dragged away and again subjected to tortures that federal judge Jack Zouhary had now given his stamp of approval. It was the same fear felt by writers in Nazi Germany and under the Stalin regime.

But that was back in my human days.

Back before I became a corporation.

Once I realized corporations have all the rights I would like to have, I decided to incorporate myself. I know, that sounds very painful. But trust me, it isn’t nearly as painful as having the prison complex’s thugs grinding your face on the concrete because you told the truth about their nefarious agenda.

To incorporate yourself, you just have to draw up incomprehensible legal papers with a Crayon. I used Burnt Sienna, but you can choose whatever color you like. Then you file that stuff with a government office who will never read it. You can even make your corporation name a registered trademark. Maybe tattoo it on yourself.

I’m a corporation now. A political action committee promoting anarchy and rebellion against authority. As a corporation, I can spend millions of dollars making campaign ads.

To be successful, I think I’m going to need a billion-dollar bail-out. I think I should write the government and tell them I’m too big to fail.

I’ve also thought about going public, getting traded on the stock market. You would be able to invest in me. Buy stock. If I made myself into several subsidiaries, you would be able to buy specific parts of me.

I probably shouldn’t tell you, but some parts of me might be over-valued. Consult your broker.

I need a board of directors. They can sit around a mahogany table, smoking cigars, and discussing my quarterly whoozee—whatsits.

I have to remember to stop referring to myself as “I.” I’m no longer “me.” I’m not “we” because I speak for the corporation. That’s a minor annoyance when you consider all the rights “we” have now: We can’t be arrested or held accountable for our actions in any way, and we can say anything without repercussions, and we’re eligible for a bail-out. I’d be happy with $50 and a large pizza.

“We” have lots of rights you mere humans only wish you had.

A lot of you out there who used to respect what “Sean Swain” stood for (if there are a lot of you) probably think I sold out and went over to the dark side when “we” stopped being a human and became a corporation. You probably think that corporations run the world and now “we” are siding with the enemy.

“We” get it. “We” used to think that way too, back when “we” were mere humans…

*** The Sean Swain Corporation® is not the mere human formerly known as Sean Swain, and is not responsible in any way for actions, expressed views, or debts incurred by the mere human formerly known as Sean Swain. The Sean Swain Corporation®, incorporated in an off-shore tax haven, as a political action committee, promotes “anarchy and rebellion against authority,” exercising the right to free speech that mere humans, like the one formerly known as Sean Swain, do not possess.
The Sean Swain Corporation® is soon to be a registered trademark of The Sean Swain Corporation®.
The Sean Swain Corporation® promotes the Occupy Movement, arming the homeless, and burning down courthouses. None of these ideas can be attributed to the mere human formerly known as Sean Swain.